UNITED KINGDOM / AGILITYPR.NEWS / October 20, 2026 / More than half (53%) of therapists working with men with addiction reported a rise in porn addiction over the previous year, according to BACP’s 2025 Mindometer survey. But when does pornography become a problem within a relationship? London psychosexual and relationship therapist Rea Shahroudi explains how loss of control, secrecy and differing erotic templates can affect trust and intimacy, and why understanding what is causing the distress is the first step towards addressing it.

The co-founder of sex and relationship therapy platform Intima Therapy, Rea says the key question is how pornography use affects the couple’s trust, intimacy and sex life. "If one partner in the relationship is really struggling with insecurity, or usage of porn is excessive and affecting the couple's sex life, then it is a problem," she explains.

Secrecy can add another layer of difficulty. Shahroudi says people may hide their pornography use because they fear upsetting their partner, feel ashamed or worry about being judged for their sexual interests. When a partner discovers it, the resulting conflict can involve both the viewing itself and the feeling that something has been concealed. “For some it feels like the person has cheated on them with lots of other people,” she explains.

Understanding what pornography means to each partner is therefore part of understanding the disagreement. One may see it as private fantasy, while the other experiences it as rejection or a breach of the relationship’s boundaries.

“People watch for different reasons. For some, they are engaging in the fantasies which they feel they cannot indulge in while with their partners. For others, this becomes a means of relaxing and de-stressing, and excessive use may be a form of escape” says Shahroudi.

Those different motivations give couples something more specific to discuss what role pornography plays, whether it is displacing time or intimacy together, and what each person feels comfortable with. Differences in sexual interests can also become part of that conversation, without assuming that partners must share every fantasy.

In Shahroudi’s own caseload, most people seeking help for compulsive pornography use are under 30. This is an observation from her practice rather than a population-wide finding. She says shame can make it difficult for people to raise the subject or seek support.

For couples, the difficulty may build gradually. Viewing becomes a recurring source of disagreement, intimacy suffers, or one partner feels increasingly insecure. Meanwhile, work pressures and family responsibilities can push the relationship further down the list of priorities.

For more information, visit intimatherapy.co.uk.